One morning, I woke up earlier than usual. I did what Pau regularly does-cooking. Well, not really; I just did the rice. We had leftovers from the night before. During this quarantine, we would cook a dish by lunchtime, and it would be until breakfast or lunch the next day. Cooking for two is not easy; it’s a waste of time and energy if you would cook one each for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why we decided to have one dish for the whole day (sometimes until the next). Going back to this particular morning, when Pau woke up, he went straight to the garden after washing up. 

After a while, he told me to fry eggs (his breakfast staple whether there is a leftover or none!). I was not feeling well that time. Fave was all over inside me, and it made me catch my breath. I needed to lie down. Also, bending is not my thing nowadays; our induction stove should be plugged in, and it’s below my “bending” capacity. I already reached down for the rice cooker that morning, and I felt like it was enough for the day. So I told him to plug in the stove first and blurted out that he just thought I was doing nothing. And he scolded me for that, saying that he was only asking me to fry eggs. And I replied back, “You did not even hug or greet me first this morning. You immediately went out of the house. And now you were chiding me.”

There was a short exchange of words. His issue: he was just asking me to fry eggs. My issue: aside from not feeling too well, he did not give me a hug or greetings before telling me to do something. In the end, we had our breakfast peacefully. He got his fried eggs, by the way. 

You know what I realized afterwards? It was not what I thought it was! What happened might seem a simple misunderstanding between a husband and a wife, but things like that may cause deeper conflicts if not addressed. It is actually an issue of expression, of love language!

Have you tried taking the love language test? If not, you should! We recommend it, especially for couples. This is a test developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship expert and author. According to him, there are five ways to express and experience love between romantic partners (or towards the people around us): words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. He called them love languages. 

Knowing one’s language will help you deal with the person easily. In a relationship, understanding your other half’s love language can strengthen and deepen your connection. You will know how to respond in a way that will speak to him. Yes, that means you have to compromise (or sacrifice?) at times. The way you are expressing your love and support may not be what he needs. What if he simply wants you to hug him after work but you keep on asking about his day? You want flowers and chocolates on your birthday but he cooks for you. Relationship is also about knowing how to give and when to take. We must learn how to speak each other’s language because it is unique to an individual. A couple needs not to have the same love language for their relationship to be successful. It is in understanding each other’s needs.

So can you guess what my love language is? I tell people that when it comes to Pau, all those five are at work. But my dominant ones are quality time and words of affirmation. Now you know why I felt bad that morning. I appreciate conversations and a time together (and a hug!) first thing in the morning. I feel loved that way. His is all about acts of service and quality time. Seems like I need to master the art of frying over easy eggs, right?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Expressing love is not always easy, but we can find ways for sure.